Crazy Mary Update: 10/23

For months, speculation about Mary’s income source has run rampant. Mary is constantly seen leaving and returning to her home, but with a frequency and such short “away-times” that these trips wouldn’t be conducive to the idea of her going to a job everyday. After this was observed, the idea of her collecting disability and/or unemployment payments was brought up. Drug-funds were also discussed, as was the idea of Mary quartering her poor, crippled goon friends for some sort of non-profit charity foundation. Many beliefs about Crazy Mary’s money have surfaced (my favorite being that she kills and skins stray dogs, trading the hides to back-alley Rx dealers for insulin), but now, due to my diligent detective work and my steadfast resolve, I’m honored and a little frightened to report that she is, in fact, steadily employed.
Yesterday Mary approached me while I was doing repairs on my car. She inquired “You make it ta work thismawnin’?”. I replied that, yes, despite my car’s exponentially declining health, I did make it to work this morning. That’s when I realized that I had a prime opportunity to do some detecting here, and that I had to take advantage of the brief weakening of her defenses, so I giddily asked her, How ‘bout you, Mary? “Oh yeah, I made it ta work on time. I did clock-out early and come home, dough.” Oh, I asked, you not feeling well today? “Naw, I feel fine, I just had ta leave early ‘fo I busted a kid’s lip open.” What? “Yeah, I work ova at da Boy’s N’ Girl’s club, and this bitchy little 9 yea old told me ta ‘Shut the Hell up’, so I left be’fo I strangled his lil’ ass.”
There you have it. Case closed. Mary works at The Boy’s and Girl’s Club.
Understandably, Mary was upset due to the lack of respect this child had shown her. She told me that when she was that age, she never talked back to any adult, no matter their gender or skin-color, and that when she sees how some of these kids “nowadays” are turning out, she gets “pissed the fuck off”.
I am comforted, however, to know that these children will no doubt turn out to be fine, upstanding citizens one day, as long as they have Crazy Fucking Mary mentoring them.