Now, with precisely 23 hours and 45 minutes to go on my favorite holiday, I am going to get (dare I say it) "bat-cunt crazy" drunk.
Cheers to all, and have a blatantly morbid, unscrupulously sordid Halloween.
Friday, October 31, 2008
SCREAMS! MOANS! BATS! BONES!
Today, my sanguinary friends, is the much-anticipated "Best Day of the Fucking Year", and Satan has blessed us by positioning it on an ostentatious Friday.
Now, with precisely 23 hours and 45 minutes to go on my favorite holiday, I am going to get (dare I say it) "bat-cunt crazy" drunk.
Cheers to all, and have a blatantly morbid, unscrupulously sordid Halloween.
Now, with precisely 23 hours and 45 minutes to go on my favorite holiday, I am going to get (dare I say it) "bat-cunt crazy" drunk.
Cheers to all, and have a blatantly morbid, unscrupulously sordid Halloween.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Jack-Off 2008
Yes, its that time of year again, and we all came together sunday for a day of celebrating one of our favorite October pass-times: Jacking Off. That is, making Jack-O-Lanterns and talking shit about whose is the best, of course!
Congratulations to Tony Veronese for coming out the victor with his rendition of Slimer. I had too many photos to post so I decided to make a quick slideshow (and I mean QUICK, I didn't adjust these really or do more than put one song on a loop for the soundtrack, but its still pretty rad).
Enjoy, be jealous, and know that the food was delicious. Never miss an Off, they're open invitation and might as well be national holidays as far as anyone at 2171 regularly is concerned.
Total Running Time is about 6mins, so get comfortable.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Crazy Mary Update: 10/23
For months, speculation about Mary’s income source has run rampant. Mary is constantly seen leaving and returning to her home, but with a frequency and such short “away-times” that these trips wouldn’t be conducive to the idea of her going to a job everyday. After this was observed, the idea of her collecting disability and/or unemployment payments was brought up. Drug-funds were also discussed, as was the idea of Mary quartering her poor, crippled goon friends for some sort of non-profit charity foundation. Many beliefs about Crazy Mary’s money have surfaced (my favorite being that she kills and skins stray dogs, trading the hides to back-alley Rx dealers for insulin), but now, due to my diligent detective work and my steadfast resolve, I’m honored and a little frightened to report that she is, in fact, steadily employed.
Yesterday Mary approached me while I was doing repairs on my car. She inquired “You make it ta work thismawnin’?”. I replied that, yes, despite my car’s exponentially declining health, I did make it to work this morning. That’s when I realized that I had a prime opportunity to do some detecting here, and that I had to take advantage of the brief weakening of her defenses, so I giddily asked her, How ‘bout you, Mary? “Oh yeah, I made it ta work on time. I did clock-out early and come home, dough.” Oh, I asked, you not feeling well today? “Naw, I feel fine, I just had ta leave early ‘fo I busted a kid’s lip open.” What? “Yeah, I work ova at da Boy’s N’ Girl’s club, and this bitchy little 9 yea old told me ta ‘Shut the Hell up’, so I left be’fo I strangled his lil’ ass.”
There you have it. Case closed. Mary works at The Boy’s and Girl’s Club.
Understandably, Mary was upset due to the lack of respect this child had shown her. She told me that when she was that age, she never talked back to any adult, no matter their gender or skin-color, and that when she sees how some of these kids “nowadays” are turning out, she gets “pissed the fuck off”.
I am comforted, however, to know that these children will no doubt turn out to be fine, upstanding citizens one day, as long as they have Crazy Fucking Mary mentoring them.
Yesterday Mary approached me while I was doing repairs on my car. She inquired “You make it ta work thismawnin’?”. I replied that, yes, despite my car’s exponentially declining health, I did make it to work this morning. That’s when I realized that I had a prime opportunity to do some detecting here, and that I had to take advantage of the brief weakening of her defenses, so I giddily asked her, How ‘bout you, Mary? “Oh yeah, I made it ta work on time. I did clock-out early and come home, dough.” Oh, I asked, you not feeling well today? “Naw, I feel fine, I just had ta leave early ‘fo I busted a kid’s lip open.” What? “Yeah, I work ova at da Boy’s N’ Girl’s club, and this bitchy little 9 yea old told me ta ‘Shut the Hell up’, so I left be’fo I strangled his lil’ ass.”
There you have it. Case closed. Mary works at The Boy’s and Girl’s Club.
Understandably, Mary was upset due to the lack of respect this child had shown her. She told me that when she was that age, she never talked back to any adult, no matter their gender or skin-color, and that when she sees how some of these kids “nowadays” are turning out, she gets “pissed the fuck off”.
I am comforted, however, to know that these children will no doubt turn out to be fine, upstanding citizens one day, as long as they have Crazy Fucking Mary mentoring them.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Oblong Faces & Abstract Jowls
Please, feel free to click on these photos at you leisure, and experience them at their true, 1200 resolution beauty. Cheers. -N.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I'm a Rebel, Dottie. A loner.
Click to Enlarge any of these.
My favorite people, etc. taken with 2171's new Canon Rebel XSI D-SLR.
(a) 2171's visuals just got a massive upgrade.
(b) Now I own a toy Neal is afraid to touch, that I used to take pictures of his toys I'm afraid to touch.
(c) Photographer for hire and prints available. Lemme know whatchoo need.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Us, The Un-Caring Caregivers
Assuredly, the bulk of you 2171 readers have yet to be informed that Matt and I own pets. But in the dank catacombs of our apartment I assure that life, however meger, does exist here other than our own.
We've adopted two hermit crabs from out ever-gracious friends, the Glarrows, and have been adamantly hospitable to them for three months. However, tragedy has befallen us, as it typically does, and I must admit, at our own hands.
Our two crabs, a once happy couple, were named Sylvia Path (in the pink shell) and Special Agent Dale Cooper (in the leopard-print shell). These new names were applied after we'd decided that the earlier names, given by the Glarrows themselves (Pinky & Stinky), were not suitable for our largely retarded abode. They did sustain many happy months of shrimp food, moist-sponges and encyclopedia-formed mazes, and they were well happy.
But now, due to my negligence, Mrs. Plath is now dead. I threw her corpse in the wastebasket. I don't feel good about this, or even much remorseful, but I have to clarify that she spent a large amount of her time in the half-coconut shell in her cage, and I had no idea she was suffering. Now though, I'm happy to hear that she's in a better place: the dump.
Dale, however, is as happy as a fairy, and he now sits on the desk as I type this, nestled next to my High Life can. Ultimately, I think she was bad for him, as they incessantly argued, and she never left him a moment of free "crab-time".
I feel awful about her untimely death, as I'm sure the Glarrows do, but, really, what were you thinking giving Matt and I a responsibility? The dishes just got washed, and that was a chore.
We've adopted two hermit crabs from out ever-gracious friends, the Glarrows, and have been adamantly hospitable to them for three months. However, tragedy has befallen us, as it typically does, and I must admit, at our own hands.
Our two crabs, a once happy couple, were named Sylvia Path (in the pink shell) and Special Agent Dale Cooper (in the leopard-print shell). These new names were applied after we'd decided that the earlier names, given by the Glarrows themselves (Pinky & Stinky), were not suitable for our largely retarded abode. They did sustain many happy months of shrimp food, moist-sponges and encyclopedia-formed mazes, and they were well happy.
But now, due to my negligence, Mrs. Plath is now dead. I threw her corpse in the wastebasket. I don't feel good about this, or even much remorseful, but I have to clarify that she spent a large amount of her time in the half-coconut shell in her cage, and I had no idea she was suffering. Now though, I'm happy to hear that she's in a better place: the dump.
Dale, however, is as happy as a fairy, and he now sits on the desk as I type this, nestled next to my High Life can. Ultimately, I think she was bad for him, as they incessantly argued, and she never left him a moment of free "crab-time".
I feel awful about her untimely death, as I'm sure the Glarrows do, but, really, what were you thinking giving Matt and I a responsibility? The dishes just got washed, and that was a chore.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
One More Thing....
This is what Neal will be like as a father....and I beg anyone to disagree. Only, it will probably be about LOST instead of Star Wars.
Penny Arcade - The Breaking Point
When Neal's wife is expecting, they'll go as Pregnant Claire, and Charlie. Maybe Locke, depending on how quickly he can fashion a wooden crib.
Year 1 of the child's life: Neal's first Trick or Treat experience with child in tow will be him and his wife as Ben Linus' parents. That way the mom can be all dead looking and he can be drunk on Dharma beer.
Year 2: Jack, Kate, Aaron.
I wonder if we could find LOST characters through every age WITHOUT NEAL'S HELP. I bet he could name them age 0 - 25 before I could finish typing this blog post.
Penny Arcade - The Breaking Point
When Neal's wife is expecting, they'll go as Pregnant Claire, and Charlie. Maybe Locke, depending on how quickly he can fashion a wooden crib.
Year 1 of the child's life: Neal's first Trick or Treat experience with child in tow will be him and his wife as Ben Linus' parents. That way the mom can be all dead looking and he can be drunk on Dharma beer.
Year 2: Jack, Kate, Aaron.
I wonder if we could find LOST characters through every age WITHOUT NEAL'S HELP. I bet he could name them age 0 - 25 before I could finish typing this blog post.
Playlist Sabotage
Now, I will never insult the musical tastes of anyone. I'm the most musically inept individual you'll ever meet. Until Neal and Robin started subjecting me to monthly musical inoculations in the form of new iTunes playlists, I was like "The Strokes"? Aren't they that....band...with that.....song?
And a million other embarrassing gaping holes in my musical knowledge. Tom Waits? For who? WHO IS TOM WAITING FOR!?
So, that being said, and due credit being given to the two of them for excellent music tastes, you have to know about what I will now refer to as 'Playlist Sabotage'
Playlist Sabotage is what happens when Neal decides, against all taste, prior feedback, or general human decency, that I should be subjected to certain songs, songs that are, for lack of a better word, CRAP.
Not even crap/funny. Just crap/crap. Okay, Raspberry Beret was ironically enjoyable, but the additional 10 songs by Prince on my October list!?
Or, "Candy Licker" and "Put Yo Condom on my Tongue" by Marvin Sease? Do you have any idea how much it sucks to walk around in public, catching oneself singing internally "Gonna lick you up....gonna lick you down....come on baby, gonna lick you all around"
It's like blacking out and waking up pantsless in the middle of a McDonald's Playground ball-pit. Full of old men.
The entire purpose of the list is to avoid all the catchy crappy music that I myself downloaded over the years. And every month, someone makes an effort to thwart those dreams of mine.
Or, Human by the Killers. That song should be shot and hung, and then burned, and then eaten by the demon that will one day claim my soul. Because the next time I want to hear that catchy-ass, brain-glued, totally Club 322 song is in hell. But no, I get to hear it between many of the great songs these lovely friends put on this list for me.
(swear to god, this just started playing. [Ignore the video part] At least Neal's not singing it for money.)
And a million other embarrassing gaping holes in my musical knowledge. Tom Waits? For who? WHO IS TOM WAITING FOR!?
So, that being said, and due credit being given to the two of them for excellent music tastes, you have to know about what I will now refer to as 'Playlist Sabotage'
Playlist Sabotage is what happens when Neal decides, against all taste, prior feedback, or general human decency, that I should be subjected to certain songs, songs that are, for lack of a better word, CRAP.
Not even crap/funny. Just crap/crap. Okay, Raspberry Beret was ironically enjoyable, but the additional 10 songs by Prince on my October list!?
Or, "Candy Licker" and "Put Yo Condom on my Tongue" by Marvin Sease? Do you have any idea how much it sucks to walk around in public, catching oneself singing internally "Gonna lick you up....gonna lick you down....come on baby, gonna lick you all around"
It's like blacking out and waking up pantsless in the middle of a McDonald's Playground ball-pit. Full of old men.
The entire purpose of the list is to avoid all the catchy crappy music that I myself downloaded over the years. And every month, someone makes an effort to thwart those dreams of mine.
Or, Human by the Killers. That song should be shot and hung, and then burned, and then eaten by the demon that will one day claim my soul. Because the next time I want to hear that catchy-ass, brain-glued, totally Club 322 song is in hell. But no, I get to hear it between many of the great songs these lovely friends put on this list for me.
(swear to god, this just started playing. [Ignore the video part] At least Neal's not singing it for money.)
Monday, October 13, 2008
Jam packed....
There are two distinct waves of social activity at 2171. Wednesday nights and the weekend. The larger wave of the two is most definitely the weekend. Sometime around 5 o'clock you'll find us with a beer or scotch or russlerita (hell, the list goes on for days) and by 8 or 9 the sun has set, the white christmas lights are creating a beautiful ambiance, and many of our friends have made their way over and we have a jolly good time.
This weekend was no exception, but I would be morally remiss if I didn't bring up several high points that made this weekend different from most. There were great accomplishments and celebrations, of course. But there were a few....oh, how do you say it...."moments of greatness" unparalleled in all our days at 2171.
They are too numerous to put down in detail, so let me just give you a run down in a simple unordered, anonymous list of the events that transpired. Names are excluded (yes, including my own) to protect the innocent, but we all know who you are.
This weekend was no exception, but I would be morally remiss if I didn't bring up several high points that made this weekend different from most. There were great accomplishments and celebrations, of course. But there were a few....oh, how do you say it...."moments of greatness" unparalleled in all our days at 2171.
They are too numerous to put down in detail, so let me just give you a run down in a simple unordered, anonymous list of the events that transpired. Names are excluded (yes, including my own) to protect the innocent, but we all know who you are.
- Two guys all but finished a 750ml bottle of Johnny Walker before 10pm.
- One girl bought a literal FEAST from KFC (or in her words, K-fuck)
- One woman got a full day at the spa for her birthday from her boyfriend.
- One guy got a dart stuck in his arm - because the arm was in front of the dart board.
- One girl kicked her boyfriend in the face at Sous La Terre.
- One guy ricocheted a dart off a wall into someone's arm, and, as it were, would have had a bulls eye or close to it had their not been human flesh in the way.
- One girl fell onto the stage and almost knocked over the elderly musicians at Sous La Terre.
- One girl called a guy the wrong name 5 times while they were making out.
- One girl went crazy on Tequila. Literally will not ever touch the stuff again.
- A few people sipped tequila (Patron) as an on-the-rocks beverage for the first time.
- One guy woke up Sunday with an awful hangover because he had, over the course of 8 hours, Wine, Beer, Scotch, Tequila, Whiskey, Sparks, and Jager. Just can't settle into a beverage for the night...tisk, tisk.
- One guy said "my hair follicles will be stimulated, it'll be a party on my face" and his girlfriend said "yes, and everyone will come" and then people erupted in laughter.
- One guy broke his glasses and missed about half of this due to blindness.
- One girl walked down college street crying.
- One guy visited from Boston and subsequently watched hours of The Office Season 4
- One guy cleaned the whole damn house leaving the other no choice but to finally do dishes.
- At least 4 people were ant-bitten on the way to Bud's.
- Someone wouldn't stop impersonating Adam Sandberg impersonating Mark Wahlberg saying "Say hi to your motha' for me, ok?"
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Happy Birthday, Robin
Because, let's face it: she has an enormous amount of clout and influence here at 2171, practically being a resident herself and all, and I'm absolutely crazy about her.
Saturday, we're all converging on Sous La Terre at midnight in celebration of this wonderful gal, and I'd like to take this opportunity to formally invite any and all readers of the blog to join us there.
Cheers.
Saturday, we're all converging on Sous La Terre at midnight in celebration of this wonderful gal, and I'd like to take this opportunity to formally invite any and all readers of the blog to join us there.
Cheers.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Cock-Off 2008
For those of you that haven't heard of, attended, or inspired one of the many "offs" that have taken place at the House of the Future, this is a tradition that dates back ages....months, even.
There were others before this, such as the Type-Off, the Puzzle-Off, and even a Grilled-Cheese-Off. All of which have had either disastrous, heavily debated, or joyous results.
The Cock-Off - quite simply, who can concoct the best Cocktail/mixed-drink.
The categories for judging were: Presentation, Potency, Sustainability, Taste.
The contestants were both Raneys and Neal. The competition was fierce, and the judges ability to discern things quickly diminished after...I don't know...drink two.
Amanda's Entry: Strawberries, Basil, Vodka, Cranberry Soda, Pink Pepper Corns, and Ginger
This drink tasted wonderful, like all of them. I'm no food critic, but it had this V8 Splash (the fruit stuff) kind of a taste with a little spice [oddly enough it worked]. After number one of this, I was already very happy to be a judge.
If we all didn't know that Mr. Russler has a professional-level passion for all things booze, this moved him to the upper echelon. Neal rose from a lowly bartender and good beer-grabbing friend to the oracle at the top of the mountain, the man that can only grant you advice as you shield your eyes from his glory, lest ye perish where you stand.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Cock-Off victor, the Raspberry Russlerita:
This is a mixture of fresh lime juice, sour mix, fresh limes and apple-mint leaves, Jose Cuervo white tequila, fresh raspberries blended into a frozen mixture, resting on a shot of Chambord, resting on yet another shot of tequila. That's right, its not a tinted glass, that's the actual fade of the beverage.
Words cannot describe any of these three, not with my limited culinary vernacular, but by the time I had round 2 of these (so, my fifth or sixth drink?) I couldn't do more than roam around the party yelling "have you TRIED this!? No, no no no no....have you TRIED THIS???"
Jonathan's Entry: Raney Special - Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice, Vanilla simple syrup, gratuitous and delicious Bacardi Rum, some apple-mint leaves and orange zest just to seal the deal. Let it be known that he let vanilla beans soak all day to create the syrup. This drink made me want to make many bad decisions. It was everything you can imagine it would be. Unfortunately, this is the only picture nabbed of the wonderful beverage, as we were too busy consuming the hell out of them.
These drinks were all fantastic, all had their strengths, and trust me, if you ever get a chance to get shnockered with us drinking any one of the three, you'll never forget it.
Next "Off" ? Did we decide already? Was I drunk?
There were others before this, such as the Type-Off, the Puzzle-Off, and even a Grilled-Cheese-Off. All of which have had either disastrous, heavily debated, or joyous results.
The Cock-Off - quite simply, who can concoct the best Cocktail/mixed-drink.
The categories for judging were: Presentation, Potency, Sustainability, Taste.
The contestants were both Raneys and Neal. The competition was fierce, and the judges ability to discern things quickly diminished after...I don't know...drink two.
Amanda's Entry: Strawberries, Basil, Vodka, Cranberry Soda, Pink Pepper Corns, and Ginger
This drink tasted wonderful, like all of them. I'm no food critic, but it had this V8 Splash (the fruit stuff) kind of a taste with a little spice [oddly enough it worked]. After number one of this, I was already very happy to be a judge.
If we all didn't know that Mr. Russler has a professional-level passion for all things booze, this moved him to the upper echelon. Neal rose from a lowly bartender and good beer-grabbing friend to the oracle at the top of the mountain, the man that can only grant you advice as you shield your eyes from his glory, lest ye perish where you stand.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Cock-Off victor, the Raspberry Russlerita:
This is a mixture of fresh lime juice, sour mix, fresh limes and apple-mint leaves, Jose Cuervo white tequila, fresh raspberries blended into a frozen mixture, resting on a shot of Chambord, resting on yet another shot of tequila. That's right, its not a tinted glass, that's the actual fade of the beverage.
Words cannot describe any of these three, not with my limited culinary vernacular, but by the time I had round 2 of these (so, my fifth or sixth drink?) I couldn't do more than roam around the party yelling "have you TRIED this!? No, no no no no....have you TRIED THIS???"
Jonathan's Entry: Raney Special - Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice, Vanilla simple syrup, gratuitous and delicious Bacardi Rum, some apple-mint leaves and orange zest just to seal the deal. Let it be known that he let vanilla beans soak all day to create the syrup. This drink made me want to make many bad decisions. It was everything you can imagine it would be. Unfortunately, this is the only picture nabbed of the wonderful beverage, as we were too busy consuming the hell out of them.
These drinks were all fantastic, all had their strengths, and trust me, if you ever get a chance to get shnockered with us drinking any one of the three, you'll never forget it.
Next "Off" ? Did we decide already? Was I drunk?
Recycling!
Waking up is all a blur on Saturdays. Sometime that morning, I stumbled groggily toward the scent of coffee, and the first thing that caught my eye was this lovely addition to our [Neal's] ever-growing plant collection. This was all his and Robin's doing, but I just had to show it off. Being green on Saturdays is a nice way to combat whatever bad karma one has collected the night prior.
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