Inventions by Matt

Over the course of life, somewhere along this crazy journey, people find society and innovators across the expanse of time before us that have made provisions for an easier life.

Roads, laws, grocery stores, etc.

I don't know if its the booze, the drinking, the whiskey, or general stupidity on my part, but several things pop up in my life as completely obvious needs in society and, as it were, no one has invented them yet.

Take for instance the other day, I was leaving for Wednesday night drink and draw (at a time when it wasn't regularly hosted at 2171) and I had sketchbooks, pencils, pens, drinks, etc. Now, the not that the ten feet of walking required to get to my car was really excruciating, but I was like "JESUS CHRIST why can't I just make one trip!? There should be some device that makes it possible for me to carry many things of varying shapes at once, some sort of bundle of cloth or -- oh....."

Yes, that day, I invented "the bag"

What about my next brilliant idea, you ask? Ok. Here it goes.

I was SICK. I was MISERABLE. I had tons of work to do the next day, and I had this icky grossness about me but no real motivation to go to Pri-Med. I think to myself, "you know, it would be great if there was some middle ground here. Why do I have to sit around and feel shit-tastic OR go to Pri-Med?? Why, society, have you let me down?? Why can't I just go to the store, by some sort of "mid-range mild version of what they give me at Pri-Med" and be done with this vile feeling that is not really sickness?"

World, meet invention #2: NYQUIL. (or, in general, over the counter medication.)

I'm an idiot, I've drown myself into an alien existence, I see this world as though I were a creature from another place, like a goddam martian.

Third and final invention for this post, just this week. For ages, I've been plagued with awful sleep. I've had trouble getting to work on time, total fatigue all the time. I've had sirens and blasts of sound and light from hell to shock me out of bed, many times to little or no avail. I'm almost certain there will be a blogpost from Neal concerning that very thing shortly. It's a very 'chilling' tale (for those of you that know the story, that's the corniest shit I could have said, right?).

ANYWAY, I shouted to the heavens, the fates, society and government at large - yet again - for not TAKING CARE OF ME! "Why, WHY, can I not have just TWO more hours of sleep a night?? I could wake up, go to get some food, enjoy the day a bit before work! I'm a morning person, world!! Wh-whhwhyhwyhwhyyyyyyyyyy *vomit* " (This rant happens while I'm crying and intoxicated, I guess.)

So.....yeah. My crowning achievement: BEDTIMES. I've gone to sleep somewhere before 11 everynight this week, sometimes drunk, even....and I've woken up before my alarm every day. I have actual seratonin pumping through my brain, I feel like laughing for no reason, I'm so deprived of this precious commodity you "sleeping people" have. I went to BREAKFAST this morning, drank coffee, listened to Rant by Chuck Palahniuk (thanks Neal). I even just sat still and had idle thoughts. Before noon.

No discredit to my wonderful mother, but you'd swear I grew up feral, or raised by wolves and set upon this earth with a raw piece of meat hanging from my jowls and a loin cloth made from the scalps of my prey, only to learn that there is a such thing as 'civilization' waiting for me over the horizon of some vast desert in which I've been scraping around for decades.

In closing, this quote Jonathan shared with me earlier, while enigmatic and stupid, is also quite poignant.

"... as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know."

- Colin Powell, before the Iraq War
(unfortunately, true)