The mosquitoes in Alabama are world-famous for their tenacity and even more so for their sheer numbers. Considering that we basically live in the Amazon of the Northern hemisphere, it is not uncommon to have to fight one the size of a cat, or for them to stick you up and steal your money in dark alleys.
2171 is no exception. Quite the opposite, in fact. I believe our place is an actual Nexus for the damn things. There's a queen mosquito lurking somewhere in the attic or something.
Citronella candles? HA! We got one of those. Regardless, when we sit outside, conversations tend to go like this:
Neal: So I was at work today, and this guy comes in --
Matt: Onyourface!othersideotherside!
Neal: So he comes in and is all, do you guys sell waff-- one on your elbow dude. So he comes in and is all do you--
Matt: Another one on your face jesus christ lets just go back in.
We regularly have to admit defeat to these guys, no matter how much Citronella whatever we bring around. My theory is that they are some new strand of mosquito genes out there that is resilient to basically everything except liquid hot magma and space.
These guys probably looked at our Citronella candles, took a hit, and said "duuuude....go get Merl and the fellas. We're setting up camp." So now there's this little fucking hippy convention in the back yard, a bunch of bugs just sitting around getting stoned and - you guessed it - getting the munchies.
Seriously, you can go out there, and if you listen closely Bob Marley is playing, there's a group of them actually mudsliding in the Citronella, at least half of them have some sort of beaded head dress, and there's a micro-machine Volkswagen Van circle around the candle.
Maybe I'll just start offering them showers and jobs. That oughta do the trick.
[EDIT: A reader has recommended that we just get a fan. I really wanted lava... ]
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
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2 comments:
That is so true! In their society, not so different from our own, communal living has become a trend. We happen to run a private little resort for the bloodsuckers in the back yard, what with the broken yet still full of water jaccouzi, the bird baths, and uneven soil that refuses to absorb rain, the yard is like a brothel that supports prolife views. Someone told me I get attacked more so because I am Mediterranean, a.k.a. of dark color. SO silly.
I think I spelled jacuzzi wrong
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