Talking online with Drew and Jon Friday, we decided that Jon should start his own school of badassery. This comes one day after I tell Drew about Jon's rather incredible life, from one end of the spectrum of 'wild' to the other where he's an IT specialist for the Air Force. Incredible.
So, really, this is just a post to show you the many courses you'll be able to take while in attendance. I'm not telling you who said what, to protect ourselves from incrimination. I take no responsibility for our actions here. We really are this screwed up when the three of us are left to our own devices. God help the world when Neal's present, too.
How to literally Fuck a Mother 300a
Stealing Christmas trees and Kicking orphans 301
Punching Titties Lab
Espionage/Stalking Internships
Halloween: Treats AND Tricks that are dangerous, fun, and not illegal [yet]
Frat Guys: How to use them as pawns. 400
Finger painting 100
Finger Banging 201
ID's: When you need them, and when you don't. How to evade age ever being an issue.
Bar Bathroom Etiquette
Roofies: When and When not to use them
Movies with Boobies and other rhyming cool shit
B.E.A.C.H. - Being Entertaining And Charming Hammered
Chemical Makeup of Assholes
Better uses for Books: How to use them to get laid 200
Better uses for Books: Rolling Joints 300
Drug Deals: 305
Creating language 402
Interesting Fringe Science and what it means for your Future
How to expose the douchebag 400
How to suggest douching 401b
how to fight a friend 300
How to take a punch to the face 201
assasinations 200
The Art of Nut Kicking: Lab
Battlestar Gallactica 300
Coke: Soda and Snorting 300
How to pretend like you're working 500
LOST 101, 201, 301, 401, 501, 601 - each class is a season, and all you have to do is fucking love it
Friendly backstabbing 300
How to tune out old people talking about vaginas 201A
Cutting the Cord: The philosophies and dynamics of the One Night Stand
How to be critical of your sexual partner 400b
How to steal from a prostitute 400c
How to be a prostitute 400d
How to slap a prostitute 400e
Unconventional Torture 101
Running From the COPS independent study 300
How to Have Sex in a Theater 203
Keeping it Real 101 - The basics of having your own opinion
Keeping it Real 201 - Walking, talking, and acting like you don't give a shit
Keeping it Real 301 - How to keep it real in a cultural context in the modern world
Contributing to the Delinquency of Minors
Punching Babies 101A
Screwing your friends Girlfriend without getting caught 302
Affairs: When its ok to sleep with cougars and when its not.
How to create Panty Dropper cocktail in under 15 seconds 201B with lab
Stealing Wallets from Elderly People 291
Pornography: Good, Bad, and Mature (Ugly)
Punching People in the Face 101
Sticking it to the Man 101
How to hide a body 101
Also, I don't know what happened last night, but Sarah Vaughn, if you're reading this, I left myself a text message last night that said "Sarah Vaughn Toes" and I have no idea why. All I remember is promising to mention you or something in the blog. Ha.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
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5 comments:
oh goodness, watch out for those toes.
I believe we had a conversation about the blog, yes. Why it includes my toes, I have no idea.
However, I'd like to sign up for B.E.A.C.H. and Screwing your friends Girlfriend without getting caught 302 because I like a challenge.
Can I recommend a few 1048 patrons for Bar Bathroom Etiquette? Making this a required course would be fantastic. Please and thank you.
watch out for that foot... i would think that i should sit in on being real and being real 2... also you are both cordially invited to my halloween jam. please come it will be amazing. hope to hear from you bois soon - spree
ok...like the courses but I feel like the majority are geared for the opposite gender than my own. would you accept women into this elite school of thought? What is the application process? And if a woman was pregnant could she punch her own baby to pass the baby punching course? A friend was asking about this....and I wish I knew the other two contributers better because I think it would be fun to try and take a stab at whose was whose brain babies.
cheers, Neal Neal and Matt.
p.s. neal if I started recording my very hungover thoughts would you listen to them on Sundays when you were indeed hungover too?
Yes, my dear, I would tune in with fervorous, scum-riddled glee.
Also, I'd like to reiterate that at no point was I a contributor to this "Badassery" institution, but if I had, I assure you I would have included a more estrogen-based curriculum, complete with "Pumping Up the Mamms" and "Home Economics".
P.S. During the two minutes of typing this, Johnny Jaroslawski called me, and he says "Hello, Patti".
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