The Moonshine Stalker

The other night, I was hanging out with everyone, sans-Russler, because he's currently in the process of....well, I'll let him tell that story.

Anyway, we were drinking and having a jolly-good time at the house of the future, and Alison graced us with her presence.

As per usual, we were being our night-owl selves, and as the night came to a close we made the decision we always make, to KEEP HANGING OUT. So, we get in the cars, and head back to my place to watch some you tube and have a few more drinks without having to drive. Good times, right?

Little did I know that such a simple task could go so horribly awry.

I'm driving home, sort of texting but trying to be a responsible driver, of course. Alison left before me, so I caught up to her in traffic. I follower her almost all the way home, and then she makes a strange turn. I'm like "well, I've lived here for well over a decade, maybe she knows some route I don't know." Because that makes sense.

She turns once, turns again, and now we're in some residential area that I've never seen in my life. She parks the car, and we're obviously at a house party. My first thoughts were "uuuggghhhh I just want to go home and drink some more and go to bed, I'm not in the mood to be social. Geez." and then I just pull up my big-boy britches and get out of the car. I had brought my liquor home with me from Amandas, so I grabbed that (don't want to show up to a party empty-handed, amiright?) take a heavy sigh, and approach her car.

She hasn't gotten out yet, which is weird. I get closer, blackberry in one hand, liquor in the other, with this look of "WTF?" on my face.

That is when I see that it is not Alison. It is not Alison at all. It is two terrified young blond girls that look like they are in some sort of screwed up horror movie.

And, of course, they are entitled, because A STRANGE MAN JUST FOLLOWED THEM HOME AND APPROACHED THEIR CAR WITH A MYSTERIOUS OBJECT AND A BOTTLE.

At this point, one of two things needs to happen. A civilized apology, full of remorse and 'oh, we'll laugh about this tomorrow' and somewhere in the back of my mind, I'd really still be hoping to stand Alison up and have these two lovely ladies invite me in to their party.

I amaze myself with my own ability to be so delusional.

I chose the OTHER way to handle it. Observe.

Step 1. Stare blankly.

Step 2. Throw hands in the air.

Step 3. Roll eyes, exclaim "uuuggghhhh!"

Step 4. Immediately get back in car and drive away.

So, if I'd just looked for the Dharma Pearl on Alison's car, this could have all been avoided. I'm surprised they didn't call the cops or shoot me. That is all.